Shut Up

“Shut Up.”

A play in one act by Paul Johnson Rogers.

Dramatis Personae

Two friends:

Jim: A grumpy, middle-aged middle manager who mistakenly thinks he’s clever because he earns good money and has a nice house and a big car.

Ken: A highly intelligent, underpaid teacher who rents a small, crappy apartment and drives a small, crappy car, and is so happy and content with his frugal life that it drives Jim crazy.

Scene: Jim is showing Ken round his new house. They’re in the kitchen.

Ken: “Nice house! What’s behind that door?”

Jim: “That’s where I keep my guns.”

(Jim opens the door)

Ken: “Awesome. Wow! You have loads of guns! Why do you need so many?”

Jim (defensively): “It’s my God given right to have as many guns as I want.”

Ken: “That’s interesting. Although probably a bit stupid. Which particular God is this? There are plenty of them...”

Jim: “THE God. You know? He’s the one true God.”

Ken: “Ok. So how did he give you the right to own guns. Is there a document or something? Perhaps a stone tablet?”

Jim: “It’s in the US constitution, dumbass.”

Ken: “Well, that’s not true. So if there’s no documentary evidence of your God given right, perhaps you could get your God to come along and just confirm the situation?”

Jim: “Shut up. It’s just a fact. Everyone knows that God wants us to have lots of guns.”

Ken: “Well, Jim, your God doesn’t sound that great, to be honest. As you know, I’m a devout Christian, and I don’t think the Christian God would like your God very much.”

Jim: “Shut up.”